Only One and a Half More Days

For those of you who have been following my blog, you may have noticed that its been awhile since I've posted. That is mainly due to summer going on farrrrrr toooooo looooooong. I decided it was in the best interest of my family, to stop everything and but the shambles of my house back together, buy back-to-school supplies and mostly try to keep everyone from seriously hurting one another. Needless to say school cannot begin soon enough.

But I have not been idle. The meaty parts of Book Two in my Three Wishes Trilogy is shaping up as my research skills formed while earning a History BA are put to the test. I've been discovering fascinating tidbits about ancient Egyptian culture and becoming increasingly excited as I piece together some plot points for my reluctant protagonist. I'm at that thrilling phase where the idea is just taking flight and can really go anywhere.

If only there wasn't a toddler jumping on his creaky bed. Oh well, there's always the trusty One AM slot. I may have to make an appointment.

Baa Baa Black Sheep

We're all familiar with the black sheep cliche, the family member or friend who doesn't quite fit in with the standards of the others and is, in general, considered a pain in the rear end. The poor misunderstood black sheep tries to fit in but efforts are either not seen as genuine or, even worse, not seen at all, spiraling Black Sheep further into the world of Black Sheepdom.

So what's Black Sheep to do? Of course there are many contributing factors, but Black Sheep has two options. They can deny their Black Sheepdom and come back to the world of Sheep, constantly dying their wool match, and most likely becoming tired and bitter. Or Black Sheep can embrace the mystique, the image of rebellious toughness that combined with smarts and good sense can propel Black Sheep to the head of the flock. Because, keep in mind, Black Sheep is not separate, just different.

I'm always impressed, and a little wary when people introduce themselves as a black sheep. I watch self-proclaimed Black Sheep out of the corner of my eye, wondering if they have told me of their black sheepness because they are hoping I'll forgive them for their differences or that when the time comes I'll help them, or just get out of their way.

I'm inclined to like Black Sheep. They are often intense, mostly smart and always interesting, which is a main reason writers use Black Sheep so often as their protagonists in literature. And where would we be without Elizabeth Bennet, Lirael, or Harry Dresden, just to name three of my favorite black sheep.

Who is your favorite Black Sheep?

Patience Please

People by nature are impatient beings. Think of yourself as a squalling infant. Did you care that your mother just went through one of the most moving, incredible (i.e. traumatic) experiences of her life? No, you did not. All you cared about was being feed. Now.

Learning the virtue of patience is a lingering challenge. In today's world of microwaves, Internet and iPhones, anything we want is only seconds away. I can buy a blouse, check my e-mail, talk to my mother and cook a meal at the same time and be done in five minutes. Okay, maybe ten..., remember I have kids. I may actually have to preform some sort of manual labor in that time frame, such as hefting the sippy cup out of the cabinet to fill with juice, because they want it. Now.

Okay, so I learned to share when I was a toddler, and I waited months for college acceptance letters and then I went through Patience Boot Camp becoming a new mother, and continue my tour of duty in the Patience Reserves for the subsequent children, so I'm no lightweight when it comes to the virtue of patience. So why is it that a two or three month wait for feedback from a manuscript reading seems like an eternity? I eagerly check my email to see if there is any news. I even look for the NYC area code on my caller id when I get an incoming call, (all you writers out there reading this, don't you laugh at me because you know you do it too). I'm like a kid waiting for Christmas morning in the summer. I've got a long way to go.

So Patience, don't fail me now. I need you to lord over the selfish click happy finger that wants to send manuscripts directly to the publishers, because that finger is a thrill seeker looking for the instant adrenaline rush of knowing there is a new chance in the world. It cares nothing for the long term goals that we have been steadfastly working toward. And I promise Patience when I do land a great agent, the bottle of Cristal champagne that has been in the refrigerator for three years, that's got your name written all over it.

Three Wishes - Get 'Em Ready

I've given a lot of thought to wishes in the past year, mainly because the main character in my completed manuscript discovers a genie and part of...tap, tap, tap....ah, excuse me a moment.

Click, clack, click clack...yes?...oh hi... of course Jinny, but... yes, I know, I know but it might give too much...yeah, okay, great outfit by the way, love the skirt...okay, okay....is that it.... sheesh....click, clack, click, clack.

Ahem, I was informed that I needed to correct the semantics of the above statement. Jinny is a Djinn, not a genie, although correct in the essentials; she has the ability to grant her Mistress three wishes. Awesome, huh? I bet you can think of ten things right now that make your short list. A billion dollars. Eternal youth. World peace. The possibilities are staggering. I know what you're thinking, "Where can I get one of them Djinn's for myself?" Sadly, I've promised not to say, at least until Cassie and Jinny's adventures are over. But just for the fun of it, shine up your top three and tell me, if you had three wishes at your command, what would you wish for?

Objectively Subjective or Subjectively Objective

Ah, the rejection letter, that rite of passage that almost all writers go through. It usually comes as a form letter, well written and impersonal, although my favorite by far as been from a respected agent who said, "frankly, I'm just not that interested." Its been a month since I got that one and I'm still giggling over the raw honesty. More usual is the last line of said form letter which states, "This is a very subjective business and I wish you the best of luck in your search for representation."

What exactly does it mean to be a subjective business? Or more interesting to me, how many other businesses have built their foundation on subjectivity? And is this foundation a key component for why the publishing industry is being rocked by earthquakes?

By definition being subjective means to base decisions on feelings and opinions rather than facts or evidence. It seems counterintuitive to running a business. Businesses are run with one object: to make money, and the publishing world is no different. When its all said and done, books have to sell to make money and who knows what is going to sell? Anyone? Anyone?

I personally think the next hot book will be about a seventeen year old girl named Cassie Thompson who explores themes of trust, guilt and friendship as icons of Egyptian mythology resurrect in modern DC....but I digress.

Hence the subjectivity.

So lets look at it objectively, making decisions without being influenced by our personal feelings. Vampires sell. Writers see this. Agents see this. Publishing houses see this. The floodgates open and saturation occurs. Just browse the teen section in your local Barnes & Nobles; it seems that every other book has a vampire in it. Yawn. That is not just me, its the publishing world in general. I'm reminded of a Monty Python movie where the fat man eats and eats and tries to reject the mint at the end. He ultimately succumbs to the temptation and explodes. So objectively speaking, the YA publishing industry has had an explosion of vampires. Yikes.

So subjectivity, huh? A hunch, a feeling, a gut reaction. These are the things we writers are banking on after we've put in the blood, sweat and tears over our manuscripts. Well, I've got a hunch that the next letter I get will be an offer of representation.

Hey, I think I like this subjective business.

Brides are like Books

I'm not a tomboy, although I thought I was growing up. I was the little girl in a dress watching everyone else climb up the treacherous "ladder" into the treehouse perched precariously twenty feet up off the ground. I settled in for a nice afternoon of a dolly tea party while my tomboy sister played Cowboys and Indians, and my tomboy mother stretched on a lawn chair to read a book. By hey, I was outside, didn't that make me a tomboy?

It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized I am not a tomboy. Never was, never will be. My favorite color is pink. Always was, always will be. I prefer skirts to jeans and I work part time in a upscale bridal salon, which is the equivalent of tulle wrapped nirvana in many ways for me. I really enjoy working with so many different people and consider it a privilege to be a part of the special planning that weddings entail.

It is also excellent people watching. If you ever want to observe the subtle nuances of body language, study the effects of polite versus impolite phrasing and watch the best and the worst of narcissism, go to a bridal salon on a busy Saturday. You will not be disappointed. There is so much to learn about the human psyche when childhood dreams meet adult reality.

These interactions leave me with invaluable information to use when writing my young adult books. Because really all young adult novels deal with some aspect of coming of age, and there are so few clear transitions such as getting married that highlight each young woman's coming of age. I am accepted into a circle of family and friends under intimate circumstances and privy to information usually concealed. For an aspiring writer, the joyous facial expressions, the rustle of flouncing skirts and the heavy stillness of an unanswered question is like gold.

Brides in many ways are just like books. The good ones can leave you smiling ear to ear, a reminder of what makes a vulnerability a strength, and the bad ones can leave you empty, wondering, "Why did I just waste my time?"

I'd Like a Bit of Messiness Please

I don't usually listen to NPR, but I was glad I did yesterday. I caught an interview with actor Paul Giamatti who was speaking about a his new movie, Cold Souls. I'm always interested in hearing what artists have to say about their work and became even more intrigued when the interviewer asked Mr. Giamatti if he remembered referring to himself as a"messy actor". His answer had me sitting up and listening much closer. He admitted believing himself to have this messy quality separating himself from other actors and then he compared the acting world to the world of literature. Many of the books coming out of publishing houses now are so clean and precise, edited to crisp detail that when an author comes along who is a bit of a mess, it is refreshing.

Yeah!!!! I couldn't agree more.

What happened to the Tom Robbins' and Terry McMillan's where the extra fleshy parts of the books are what make it so human and enjoyable. I've participated in heated debates with writers slamming Stephenie Meyer and her Twilight Saga because it is generally considered to be poorly written. But I believe that one reason her Twilight books have resonated with readers (especially young readers) on such a deep level is because they are not edited within an inch of their life. There is a rawness in Meyers telling that absorbs the reader. It works with Bella's narration of the unfolding romance and has captured millions of readers.

Hello Publishing World, are you listening? Readers are telling you that its okay to be a little messy, and heck they even like it...in the millions.

Now don't get me wrong, I know that if every book was a bit of a mess, this wouldn't work for the few authors who manage to pull this off. I am committed to creating clean memorable stories that move along and is clearly going someplace. The hours I spend editing the words I've already written can attest to that.

But I think I will go see Mr. Giamatti's movie, if only to see a bit of mess in action.

Writing as Life

First comes the idea, the inspiration.

Then comes the growth explosion as the idea turns into a scene and the character breaths as they begin to live, albeit two dimensionally.

The scene becomes a chapter, laying the foundation for other scenes to come, building up to a moment when decisions effect the outcome of the character's situation.

A situation turns to resolution and then passes.

A new one develops.

Sounds familiar doesn't it. Writing feels a lot like life to me.

Read to Write

I read an interesting post in a writing forum I participate in debating whether or not one must be an avid reader to be a good writer. According to my husband, no, but since he has nether read a book, nor written one in the ten years I've known him, I'll let that stand for itself. Most authors that I am familiar with absorb books like water, ready to whip out a battered paperback to fill in a tedious wait or even more impressive a mini grammar book to consult for obscure structuring issues.

I admit, I have always filled my leisure time in with reading. In fact I can never recall a time when I did not read. It started nestled against my mother as we read the "Little House" series over and over again. I doubt its a coincidence that those books are still among my favorite reads. I doubt any author has ever described a prairie sky with quite the same emotion as Laura Ingalls Wilder. As a pre-teen I devoured the Sweet Valley High Books and anything by Cynthia Voigt. Not exactly literary gems, but hey they kept me reading. I found Stephen King when I was a teenager reading everything from "Carrie" to "The Stand". I still get chills thinking of those thrillers, and trying my hand at telekinesis myself. Although disheartened that I wasn't so remarkable as Carrie, I was secretly pleased to be rather more ordinary.

I slowly found my way to more literary fiction once I went through Ann Rice's books. I discovered Pearl Buck, Jane Austen, Ursela LeGuin and John Steinbeck. I remember finally finishing "Anna Karena", marveling how Tolstoy could so easily balance life's dichotomies. But I never quite got out of the teen section of the library. It was exceedingly interesting to me to read poignant stories about teenagers with more experience myself. I have to admit when I read Katherine Paterson's "Jacob Have I Loved", I was a thirty year old woman weeping at the end.

I can't imagine trying to write without reading. There is so much to learn from each book, whether its about word choice, or voice, or how to create a rhythm so when you end a chapter its leaves you wanting to keep reading. I have also found that reading passages about what characters are eating bore me to pieces. I hope to never do that to my readers.

Let me know if I do.

Great Books

Often my friends and family turn to me asking what books are good for their kids to read. I'm secretly waiting with my list in my back pocket. I whip it out trying not to be too enthusiastic, we don't want to scare anyone with giddy giggling, and commence to tell whomever is asking my two cents. Without further ado....

For YA Girls (14/15+)

The Abhorsen Trilogy by Garth Nix
A three book series chronicling the rise of an inimical threat to parallel countries, one magical, one similar to 1920's as two young women learn what it means to use their inherent strengths, magic, and friendship to shoulder responsibility. There is great adventure, zombies and incredible writing in this series. Any lover of dark books, our heroines must walk in death, and magic will love these books. In order the books are "Sabriel", "Lirael" and "Abhorsen". The middle book "Lirael" is in my top five all time favorite novels ever.

Sarah Dessen
Dessen's honest frankness exploring real struggles girls face with boys, drinking and friendship is refreshing. Her writing is clear and concise and completely believable.

"The Forest of Hands and Teeth" by Carrie Ryan
Okay, this is another zombie book, and I really am not that into zombies, but this book is so beautifully written that there was no way I could leave this out. Mary lives in a forest surrounded by fences. Beyond the fences are the Unconsecrated. Mary struggles to understand the meaning of her life, as she hungers for knowledge and life beyond the boundaries of the known.


For Young Adult Boys


The Rouge and Knight Series by Hilari Bell
Bell chronicles the adventures of Michael, the Knight Errant, and Fisk, his unwilling Squire. Bell creates a world much different from our own, but in such a matter of fact way that totally transports the reader. With a touches of magic, humor and the real ups and downs of friendship, this series is a great read for boys. Begins with "The Last Knight" and then "The Rouge's Home". The third book is coming soon.

Harry Dresden Files by Jim Butcher
This may be a stretch for the young adult category, but for a strong reader looking for something great, this is it. Harry Dresden is a detective in Chicago, he's also a wizard so the things the CPD call him in on are things of the paranormal. Dresden is unparalleled in cutting banter and Butcher has created a great arsenal of sidekicks. The files start with "Storm Front".

I planned to write about some great Middle Grade books, but as this has taken me three hours to write, between getting juices, breakfast, laundry, diapers and crowd control, I think I'll save that for next time.

Happy Reading

Waving the Red Flag

I've realized the unexpected is to be expected on this journey of mine to be published. Those of you who have been following regularly, know that I was asked to submit the first three chapters of my completed manuscript to an agent.

I re-read my chapters before submitting, making sure they were in tip top shape. I hit the send button, covered my shocked face with my hand. There was no turning back. I starred our correspondence in my inbox, hoping the next e-mail would be good news. This particular agent has loads of information on her blog/website about what she's looking for, and I felt confident that I was at least hitting in the ballpark.

But I was prepared for anything.

I was prepared to hear that the writing wasn't quite there. I was prepared to hear that this just wasn't quite right for her list at this time. I was prepared even for silence.

I was not prepared for her to say that my submission was good. Big smile. BUT...smile falters...she found herself more interested in the contemporary situation of my main character and not so much in the paranormal aspect that was introduced. With my brow furrowed and a general look of confusion I read the message several times before it hit me. She liked the backstory.

For a quick summary, backstory is the necessary evil writers must present to the reader so you know where this character is coming from. This must be done so cunningly that the reader never gets bogged down and lose interest in the unfolding story. This is especially important for young adult authors, whose audience is younger, and therefore less tolerant with past details.

So with one sentence here, one sentence there, and no more than three sentences together here, this is the story that is more interesting. Bang....that was my head hitting the table as I slump over.

But I am unfailingly optimistic. I realize this is a good no. She liked the writing, and even mentioned that other agents may feel very differently than she does. And I know that's true. Stories evoke feelings in a person, and I have never known two people to feel exactly the same about anything before, so why would this be any different. I still have a full and a partial submission to agents that I am hopeful about.

But, Kristin Nelson, you have waved the red flag in front of me...and I am a Taurus...Ole!

Timeless Boy: Part I

Once upon a time there was a boy. He was a lonely boy, although he didn't know it. If you had asked him, he would have told you he was quite content. He had family who loved him, friends to play with and toys at his fingertips. What more could a little boy want.

Tick, tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.

In the living room of the house the boy lived in was a Grandfather Clock. It was tall and imposing, its presence felt every minute, every hour of the day.

Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong

When no one was home the boy would stand and look at the clock for long minutes. The crisp hands dashing through the moon, or underlining the sun emblems on the face. The boy would eventually close his eyes and sway back and forth with the rhythm of the pendulum. He would let the passing of time resonate deep within him. In these minutes everything was ordered and clear.

Tick tock, Tick tock, Tick tock.

In his little boy mind, he would wonder who the Grandfather was who made it, and how he could find him to tell him how much he loved the clock. His eyes still closed, the boy stepped closer to the clock, sliding his toe on the edge of the hands.

Ding dong, Ding dong, Ding dong.

Silence.

The boy held his breath. He could never remember a time, when the clock was not ticking. Where could he be that time didn't exist? He could feel brightness pressing against his eyelids. Standing very straight, he opened one eye a slit, then gasping he opened both his eyes wide in wonder.

To be Continued....

Half Blood Prince

Attention all: SPOILERS

I have just come back from my second viewing of Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. I tried very hard not to read reviews before I went, so I knew nothing other than JK Rowling's words swirling in my head. I usually re-read the book before the movie, but did not this time, and I think it helped enhance the movie experience, because obviously the movie is not the book...it is an adaptation.

So, considering I've seen it twice in 24 hours, no small feat with a family, I loved it. The Half-Blood Prince is my favorite book of the series, because it deals so much with the bad guys, and who doesn't love Rowling's bad guys. The movie portrayed this well, with one exception, Harry and Snape, the Half Blood Prince. Grrr. I would have liked to see more Snape, less Lavender. Although I did particularly enjoy her endearing scene of huffing a misty fug on the glass to draw a heart to Ron. Very classy.

The scene that stands out as particularly well done was the hidden lake scene. I loved how the filmmakers captured just how awful it was for Harry to make Dumbledore drink the vile potion. It was perfectly set off by the dreamlike quality consistent with the memories of young Tom Riddle Harry had been exploring. And most spectacular was Dumbledore's raw power finally unleashed to save them from the Inferi. I'm glad I got to see that, and truly wished they had done a bit more with it.

I must give a huge applause to the young actor portraying Draco Malfoy. He was utterly fantastic in what must have been a difficult role. His fall from swaggering braggart to woebegone, pitiful schoolboy was totally believable.

And finally, Jinny. That had to be the sweetest kiss ever.

It will be interesting to see how the filmmakers deal with the changes they have made to the storyline. How will Harry discover what the Horcruxes are, when in the books, he knows what he is looking for? Where will the Weaslys live now that their house has burnt? Will Bill and Fleur get married? If they don't where will Harry speak to Ollivander, if not at Shell Cottage? Ah well, I'll have to wait.

Maybe these are some of the reasons why "they" are making Dealthy Hallows into two movies not one.

But the true point of a movie is to entertain, and it sure entertained me. I'll tell you what, that opening scene swooping through London, into Diagon Alley... well that beats a roller coaster ride any day.

Cheers.

Remember to Believe

Believing in yourself is a hard thing to do sometimes. There are so many things during the day pressing in and vying for attention that its easy to forget why we've started something in the first place. Or if we do remember, it may only be to think, "I must have been crazy that day." Luckily there are shining moments that remind us of why we have chosen to put ourselves out there.

I must admit in the past few weeks I've become a bit hardened to the responses from my "Query Letter". Its surprising how each form rejection letter is different from one another. I'm quite impressed with the many different ways one can say "Thanks, but no thanks." I suppose it must be similar to how agents feel reading "The Query Letter"; they are all different, but essentially say the same thing, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Pick me, Pick me, Pick me!"

Ah ha, but today was a shining moment. My "Query Letter" did not fail me. I received a request for a partial submission from one of the most respected agents in the YA publishing market. Needless to say, my "Query Letter" deserves a nice pat on the back, and if she comes back and wants to see the full manuscript, I just may kiss it.

Unexpected Places

One of the things I like most about writing is the unexpected places that I get to go to. Unlike reading a good book, when the flow of the story evolves and I am transported someplace that the author has guided me to, I get to choose where I go. Let me say that again, I get to choose.

Can you smell the freedom?

In a world dictated by carpools and naps and not being able to put off the grocery store for one more day, the liberation of being able to open a map, close my eyes and place my finger on a destination is a heady experience. What makes this part of my life even more interesting is that some of the places I write about aren't on any map at all.

For instance, my current work in progress, known in the writing world as WIP, is about a stubborn young angel traveling between Heaven and Earth looking for clues to unanswered questions. Before this exercise, I had never truly thought about what Heaven looked like. It was just a pretty place where all the angels lived, wasn't it. Well yes... and no.

At least for me.

I know that my vision of Heaven will most likely ruffle some feathers, or be considered out and out blasphemy by others. I can only hope that someday there will be dialog about it, giving other people an avenue to form their own opinions, or solidify what they already believe.

One thing I've found out, Heaven is not at all what I expected.

Keeping it Simple

Having children is a constant reality check and an infinite help to me as a writer. I am constantly reminded that communication does not have to be complicated. For instance, my five year olds earlier comment, “Daddy saw me go off the diving board.” I was interested enough to prod him further, looking for the deeper meaning behind the words. It took me a couple minutes to realize that nothing else was necessary; all I needed to know was in that sentence. He didn’t have to say that as he stepped onto the rough platform and looked over, his chest swelled with pride. I didn’t need the description of his daddy’s face smiling at him as he soared through the air, or the feel of the cool water welcoming the impact of his body.

It was all there. I just needed to read between the lines.

So maybe the next time I’m hung up on a long-winded description, trying to make the reader see what’s in my head, I’ll challenge myself to write whatever it is in one sentence. If I keep it simple, trusting the reader enough to “get it”, won’t we both reap the rewards? Besides it’s not so much making others see what’s in my head, it’s offering the story for you, the reader, to make your own pictures.

To Query or Not to Query

Family and friends who know me well.... Well, let's go ahead and put acquaintances in there too.... Okay, anyone that I have talked to in the past six months knows of my anguish over "The Query Letter." For those of you new to this, "The Query Letter" is that magic piece of paper containing everything about you and your novel. It floats across the desk of an agent or publisher instantly capturing their intrigue, making them marvel at your skill with words. They stop everything to phone you to ask for an exclusive look at your fully completed manuscript. Of course this is all done in 250 words or less.

Ahhh, if only it were that easy.

But there is hope. I think I've gotten a little less obsessed with "The Query Letter", because only a couple weeks ago I would have used all capital letters to type "The Query Letter", instead of just quotation marks.

I just may emerge from Querydom intact; slightly stunned but essentially whole.

The key may be to be a moving target. Not literally of course, but mentally. To know that you've done the best you can with the tools at your disposal and to always be always looking forward, moving toward your goal. For me it is "The NEXT Query Letter."

What is it for you?

Summer as Inspiration

Let's get one thing straight up front, I am not a warm weather person. The idea of living in Florida is as close to purgatory as I want to come. I do live in the Southern United States, but close enough to the Northern United States that eases the summer season into something manageable. Fall is only a couple months away with blessed breezes and colored trees. At least that's what I keep telling myself each time I open the door and feel myself glisten instantly. Give me 45 and blustery over 95 and humid any day.

But I find myself keen on the summer for one reason this year. The current novel I am writing is set in the summer. Whenever I need inspiration, I plant myself outside, endure the bugs and the glistening...okay let's just call it sweat already and be done with it, and I listen, to the crickets and cicadas which emerged only about a week ago. I look at the drooping flowers and the huge puffy clouds in the hazy sky. I touch the brittle grass that crunches beneath my bare feet. I smell the charcoal of barbeque grills firing up to roast hot dogs and hamburgers, and I can taste the late afternoon summer storm hovering just off to the west.

I believe being a writer has made me a better person, one that is willing to appreciate the inherent beauty in many things I normally would not have noticed. I am inspired as I return to my air conditioned home, pour lemonade for myself and my children and think about how to incorporate the heavy sense of heat into my writing.

It still doesn't mean that me and my main character have to like it.

Comments

Excerpt

I know what you're thinking...two posts in one day? Sheesh, who does she think she is? Sorry, but I'm really excited to get the show on the road, and since I'm gearing up to do a major e-mail blast I wanted to give everyone a little something for their effort.

My completed project is a young adult urban fantasy entitled Lost & Found. Book 1 in the Three Wishes Trilogy, Lost & Found weaves elements of Aladdin together with a teen romance while exploring themes of guilt, trust and friendship, as icons of Egyptian mythology resurrect in modern DC.

Whew, say that in one breath.

Please sign up to be a follower, or better yet subscribe to receive the blog via e-mail. There are various links below.

Below you will find the first pages of Cassie's story. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

Thanks for signing in!


CindyLou




CHAPTER 1: SPRING BREAK

In my opinion Spring Break is overrated. Okay, maybe if I had the kind of family who was doing something cool like skiing the Rockies, going to Disneyworld or even journeying to Guatemala on a missionary trip to build houses for the poor, maybe then it would have a little more appeal. If you had told me that in a week I’d believe in Djinns, I never would have believed you.

Lunch was the usual trial of determination as I sat at the end of the table, an open book in my lap the excuse to listen without participating. Everyone seemed too preoccupied with their own life to notice me, which is a big improvement from the last month.

“So Cassie, we haven’t heard what you’re doing yet.”

The challenge came from Michelle Mitchell, all tight jeans and miniature sweater underneath a perfectly perky ponytail.

I looked up, startled into answering a little too fast and rehearsed to fool anyone. “I’m actually staying around here.” I bit the inside of my cheek.

“Oh. Any plans?” Michelle went on, sensing weakness like a wolf stalking a flock of sheep.

Several people turned their attention to us. I didn’t know what was worse the blatant staring or the quick glances from me to the opposite end of the table where Ashley and Brent were whispering to each other in a private conversation.

“No, not really,” I replied hoping I wasn’t blushing too obviously. I had learned the hard way not to reveal anything.

“Oh c’mon you must have something planned?”

She was circling, going in for the kill.

“Nothing exciting.”

Cleaning out the house for your Grandmother hardly constituted as “plans” in Michelle’s world.

“Oh.”

The dismissive triumph of the one word stung, making me blush deeper. We smirked insincerely at each other before I turned back to my book and she to her friends. I wish I had never taken my eyes off the words, answering Michelle’s questions to the page instead of opening myself up for more ridicule. That would’ve been much cooler.

Why do I always think of these things afterwards?

I must be crazy, sitting here everyday, pretending I belong, trying to show that despite recent humiliations, I don’t care. I finished my sandwich in silence, folding the rumpled tinfoil into a tiny square. The clock behind the cage on the cafeteria ticked the minutes. Only a couple hours to go.

Classes passed and when the final bell rang the remaining portion of the three thousand students of Alexandria High that hadn’t been pulled out to start vacation early or who weren’t skipping, came pouring out of the building. I stood at my locker, carefully placing each book in its space and choosing which ones to take with me. Ugh, homework over spring break. But it would offer a good excuse to go to the library and escape the moving frenzy for a bit. Quietly closing the door and spinning the dial, I turned to start my vacation.

Who am I to do this anyway?

It's a question that I keep coming back to as an aspiring writer. Who am I to do this anyway? Is it arrogant to think that what I write and have to say would be read and enjoyed by others? Ever since I've taken the step to be on the other side of the book, the writing end, I've thought more about the authors of the books that I love and enjoy reading. Who are they? I read bios of authors with MFA's and impressive publishing histories and the ringing silence of my bio makes my gulp of dismay all the more audible. I don't have any of those things that make me instantly acceptable.

So what does that mean? Will I languish in the politely phrased world of being a pre-published author for years?

Maybe.

Or maybe the stars will align and everything will fall into place. Great stories, great writing, great agent, great editor, and great fans. Nathan Bransford, literary agent of my dreams and blogger extraordinare eloquently stated on June 4th, "It's time, basically, to look inside yourself and step up yer game." Well Nathan, your point was well taken. I know I have one of my "greats" and I'm diligently working on the rest.

There is one thing I do know. I love writing. It is the most fun I have during my day. I get a deep satisfaction of breathing life into my characters and revel in the challenge of refining their movements, making them real to others as well. And I do know one other thing. Everyone starts somewhere. And here I am. I am planting my flag at the base of this mountain known as The Publishing World. I have five more flags in my hand to plant as I go up the side.

Here I go. One word in front of the other.

Wish me luck.